Special Episode: Ask A Muslim! (Part One!)

Shehla: Hi, everyone. May peace be on you all. My name is Shehla, and welcome to a very special episode of, I'm A Muslim (And That's Okay!). Now, I call this a special episode only because I really wasn't sure what to do this episode on. Two days ago, I know I released my PSA Episode on helping those people who are essential in our lives and maybe out of a job because of the COVID-19 lockdown, but I was really drawing a blank about what should my Friday episode be about? And then, sort of like an epiphany, it came to me and I decided that, I should do a segment on, “Ask a Muslim” And I have a lot of Facebook friends that are not Muslims, and so I recruited all of them. And here it is, your very special episode of, “Ask a Muslim”

So anyway, me and my friends, I've known these friends for a long, long time, years and years. And we're very frank with each other. And in one of the many groups that we are in together, I just wrote a post and asked all of them that you guys have known me for a long time. You know, anything goes with me. So what are the questions or question one person or more than one person would you like a Muslim that you never really thought of asking? It could be a question about my faith or me in general and how I practice my faith. I kept it very open, no strings attached, and I got lots of responses.

So this segment of, “Ask a Muslim” is going to be in two parts. One this Friday and the next one next Friday. So without further ado, I will get to the questions. And by the way, I discovered when I was asked all of these questions by my friends that I know a lot of Jessicas. So in order to keep the confusion at a minimum, I'm just going to use initials when it comes to the Jessicas that are asking me questions. So it's either going to be JP or JS, because I just couldn't keep them all straight if I was going to use their first names. Anyway, so moving on to question #1. And this question, actually, I had three people ask me the same question. I had JP, Denise, and Laura ask me the same question in different ways. So, I'm just going to take the gist of it. 

Their question was and I'll put this in as question #1, “What are the appropriate greetings in Islam, and what are the greetings those that are non-Muslims can say to those that they know that are Muslims for different occasions that we celebrate.” I guess one of the first and most basic greeting that we have is what we greet each other with, and that is as salam alaykum and that translates to may peace be on you. It's my standard greeting whenever I start my podcast, and that is what we say to each other. And I know it's a little complicated, but if you know somebody who's Muslim and you know them well enough, if you say salaam, that translates to peace, and that is perfectly acceptable. And I think we'd be overjoyed if you greeted us that way, if you just said salaam. And we obviously, in return, we would say, walaikum as salaam, which translates to may peace be unto you as well. And that would be the standard greeting just like for those who are not Muslims, they might have hi or hello. For us, it's as salam alaykum. But it's perfectly acceptable for anyone who's not Muslim to say salaam and that would be enough, and we'd be really, really happy about it. 

And as for the occasions that we celebrate and the greetings for those, our two major occasions are-- generally religious occasions are two Eid’s every year. The Eid al-Fitr that comes at the end of our month of fasting Ramadan, and the second Eid, which is Eid al-Adha, which comes right after our Hajj. And again, we don't have any fixed dates for these because we follow the lunar calendar as opposed to the Gregorian calendar. And so, the greeting for both would be what we say to each other. And again, this also varies culturally for Muslims in different parts of the world. But from what I've been taught is Eid Mubarak, which means a happy Eid to you. And you can even say this in English, it's perfectly fine, perfectly acceptable. Like, you can say happy Eid to you, Eid greetings if Eid Mubarak is just a little complicated, it's perfectly fine. And we would be overjoyed if you greeted us that way. So Eid Mubarak, happy Eid to you, Eid greetings, all perfectly acceptable. 

Now, Laura also had a question about for our occasions during our Eid’s, “What would be appropriate gifts?” And I think that's such a sweet question. I think you could give almost anything. If you know somebody who's Muslim and you know what they'd like, don't like, you can gift to them accordingly. At Eid, really, anything goes. I mean, most Muslims are foodies. We love our food. So if you know someplace that sells appropriate, I guess, confections, you could buy them chocolates. We love chocolates. We love dates. You can most definitely give us that. That's great. Dietary restrictions aside, nothing with pork, alcohol. and blood, etc., and meat products I would avoid. So, any other is absolutely fine. You can give that.

And Laura also-- and I would make this my question #2. She also asked about the dietary restrictions because her son has a best friend who's Muslim. Laura, this is a tricky question. I only say this as a tricky question because, my gosh, if you knew the amount of arguments this causes even within the Muslim community, you'd be amazed. Okay, I will start with, I guess, [laughs] the most basic dietary restrictions, which all of us agree on. No pork, no alcohol, no blood, nothing with blood in it. That would be the most basic. And when it comes to meat products, we shy away from those, because our meat has to be prepared. I mean, beef, chicken, lamb, whichever you can think of, has to be slaughtered in a certain way for us to be able to consume it. And we consider that halal. If your son's friend comes over for snack time or anything like that, things like pizza, tater tots, French fries are all well and good. And you had mentioned that you had found out that certain kinds of fruit snacks are a restriction, and that is only because they contain gelatin. And gelatin, the cheapest source is pork, usually and we avoid it. Anything with gelatin in it, you can call it fruit snacks, marshmallows, those we will not consume under most circumstances. And most people will not even eat beer battered, like fried fish and things like that. Sauces, like restaurant sauces, which are made with wine or sherry. We will avoid that usually. 

And again, this is not universal. I've got to warn you about that, because a lot of people do and practice this very differently. So, I think your best bet, Laura, is to just ask the parents that, “What is it that is okay that when your son's friend comes over, what is it okay that he can have for snacks?” And they'll be very open about this. We won't shy away from it. But this is, oh, gosh, one of those many hills that we will argue and die over amongst each other. It just can be a huge mess. I'm not even going to go into that. 

So that was question #2 and question #3. And this one I get a lot because I wear the hijab. And obviously it's about the hijab. “So are the headdresses by choice, are they expected? What decides which type is worn and how do you feel about them? And can you do anything with your hair underneath it?” Now, this question was also asked by two separate people. One was Elizabeth and also by let me see. Oh, sorry, I've got a lot of pages in my hands trying to figure out which questions are where. But Elizabeth and Madeline, they both asked me the same question.

And here's the thing again, this is one of the many points of contentions, even within the Muslim community itself, the hijab, if many accept it as an Islamic practice. But culturally, and I say this for myself first, because I didn't always wear the hijab, when I grew up in Pakistan, none of the women in my family did because it just sort of culturally fell out of favor in Pakistan, and many women still don't. And it's not something that is seen as odd, but in many Muslim countries, it is something that is standard, is required for women to wear, especially when they go outside. But you will also find that not everybody wears the hijab the same way. Madeline, she was very observant when she asked about wearing the hijab, abaya, the chador, or the niqab. 

The hijab is the standard head covering. Abaya is the long dress that is worn in many Middle Eastern countries and even in Pakistan, I've seen a lot of women wear it. Chador is basically a long shawl that is wrapped loosely around the head, and the niqab is basically the face veil. And I see this that a lot of these things are culturally passed down, like in Pakistan not wearing the hijab sort of has become a cultural practice. It's come back into favor these days when I was growing up, not a lot of women did it, but again, it was not seen as something improper. So you will find many Muslim women who don't wear it and many who do. And again, I don't question anybody's faith because of it or because they don't wear it. Faith is a very personal thing, and many will disagree. Again, it's one of those hills we will die on within the Muslim community. But as someone who hasn't and now does, I still see it as something that is a very personal thing to do, and I don't really pass judgment on those things. All of these things, the hijab, the abaya, the chador and the niqab I've seen are those that can sort of occur culturally in different parts of the world.

It's interesting because in many parts of Africa, Muslim countries in Africa. Their hijab is not the standard hijab that people in the US are used to seeing. It's basically a turban and underneath is a long dress, but you can completely see their face. It's just their hair isn't showing, but they consider that a hijab. So it's not what most people in the west see in the media. That is the standard hijab. I mean, I don't even think there is a standard hijab anymore. I remember when I had first started taking the hijab a couple of years ago, I was not sure how to wear it. And I went onto YouTube because apparently there's a lot of tutorials out there about how to wrap the hijab. And I was sitting there and there was this lady, she was demonstrating a very pretty style of doing this, and I kid you not, she for that one hijab style, she used six different hijabs underneath that big main hijab. And I'm sitting there in awe because, yes, the end result is spectacular, but I'm pretty sure that took about 45 minutes for her to put on. I was like, “No, this is not going to ever happen for me. I'm more of a wrap and run kind of girl and I will do the whole pull-on hijab and everything.” And I was like, “I'm just too easy for that.”

Anyway, as for as how I feel about it as Elizabeth asked me, I think my choice may have been more of an unusual choice than what most women do the hijab for. For a lot of women, it is more of a devotion to faith that they want to be more devoted to practicing Islam. And that is why they wear the hijab. And for me personally, I think it came about from the decision that if I'm going to be raising my children, my two sons in the US, I should be able to give them an example that especially when times, especially in the US, it can be tricky to be visibly Muslim. That it does open you up to some backlashes at times. I'm not saying all the time, but it can. But I just wanted to give them an example that it's okay to be visibly Muslim and still live your everyday life, that they should not be ashamed of being Muslim. And that is one of the main reasons why I had personally started taking the hijab. And again, I have no regrets about it personally. It was not easy, let me tell you, because I'm living in Dallas and the average summer temperature can go up to be above 100 degrees. It's not easy. But hey, central air conditioning. I'm glad for that. No, but really, it is an act of faith, but I have no regrets about it. Definitely.

And so, we're moving on to question #4. And question #4 was actually by Elizabeth. Let me see, yeah, just by Elizabeth. Yes, question #4 was by Elizabeth. And she asked, and Elizabeth is a fellow, she also lives in Dallas, and she has best friends who are Muslims. And what she wanted to ask is, “How do we get our hair cut? Especially when women do the hijab? How is it that we do haircuts and how do we choose doctors?” And very good question. Thank you for asking, Elizabeth, because it was one of those things that was tricky after I started wearing a hijab, because not everybody has a separate enclosed space where they would be willing to cut our hair. But I have found many hairdressers, especially in Dallas, because we have such a huge Muslim population that are open to it.

My current hairstylist, she's Jewish and she's very understanding. They also have certain sects in Judaism that also cover their hair. And she was very accepting about it, very open about it. And she has her own private salon space. And whenever I come over, she puts on curtains and she makes sure that nobody can see into her salon suite. And she cuts and dyes my hair. And yes, you can do anything with your hair under the hijab. My hair is currently pink, as I had mentioned before, so I dye it and cut it all the time. There is no restrictions with that.

And as for doctors, well, now this is a little tricky. Again, there are many religious opinions about this, but the way I go about it, and again, this is just a personal opinion, just my thing. It's that I usually generally search up first for a female doctor, whether it be my general practitioner, OB-GYN, anything that is just standard routine tests. I go to them once a year, and maybe if it's anything urgent, I get really sick maybe twice a year. It's not a frequent visit thing. It's not an emergency. But when it comes to emergency situations, and again, this is my personal opinion, please don't quote me on this as a religious, like an authority. And I probably should have given a disclaimer that I'm not a religious authority. Most of these things are my personal opinions, [chuckles] because quite frankly, my religious knowledge and background knowledge of religion is abysmal at best.

But anyway, bottom line is, if it's an emergency, I have seen male doctors. I remember a few years back, I had a tumor in my abdomen and I had to do consultations with male doctors because they were the best that were there. And I went to them and I had surgery, physical examinations. Then they made sure they're very respectful. They understand that we come from Muslim backgrounds, that they don't make you feel uncomfortable. I'm very grateful to all my doctors who I've been to they've been very understanding about these things. But yes, first preference is generally that it be a female doctor. If it's a female Muslim doctor, that's great, but that's not always easily accessible. So female doctor is generally first choice. 

Now, moving on to question #5 by my friend Maria. Now, I was hesitant to answer this question, not because I usually shy away from controversial topics or anything like that would put me in the spot. I don't usually, but the only reason-- Let me read out the question first before I get into the explanation of why I hesitated. Maria's question was, “How do I feel about the verses in the Quran that talk about doing harm to non-believers and infidels? Is this a widely accepted view or are there varying interpretations depending on the sect, country, etc.”

Now, the reason I hesitate to answer this question is only and only because my religious knowledge of Islam is, as I've mentioned before, a disclaimer is very poor, sadly, and I would not want to give a definitive answer to this only because of that. But what I have done, and I have to do this for you, Maria. You better appreciate this. [chuckles] I'm sorry. No, but I hadn't made a website for my podcast before, but I felt so strongly about wanting to give Maria an answer for this that I made a website and I made a specific page that would give knowledgeable references to questions like this, which I can't answer myself. And I put the link to my website for those references.

So I hope, Maria, if you're listening to this that you can click on the link and get a more educated answer to this question, which is obviously provided by well-versed Islamic scholars. I mean, better answer than I could give to you. But what I can tell you, Maria, is this that a lot of verses that you hear that are like this are a lot of time taken out of context. There is a history to Quranic revelations and there are a lot of things that are very time period and situation specific. And I guess the best way you can think about it is if you took any book at random. Let me give you an example. I'm currently reading out Harry Potter to my kids, it's because they love hearing me read out stories and funny voices and everything. And let me read out a passage from one of the books. I'm not even going to tell you which one. So this paragraph just says, “She slapped Malfoy around the face with all the strength she could muster. Malfoy staggered. Harry, Ron, Crabbe and Goyle stood flabbergasted as Hermione raised her hand again.”

Now, if you heard just that paragraph from any of the books and you didn't know anything about Harry Potter, the story, or about Hermione, or about Draco Malfoy or about Harry Potter, any one of those characters. The only thing you'd be able to get from that brief paragraph is that Hermione was this crazed girl, woman, whatever you want to perceive, that was prone to violence towards boys. When that is not the case. There was an entire situation that built up to this point. And I know this is probably not even a very similar analogy to religious text, but it's just a way to explain that certain things, when taken out of context, can create different perceptions. And unfortunately, when you hear in the media some of these verses being misquoted, it can create perceptions that can be pretty far from what they are actually about. So I'm sorry, Maria, I can't answer you directly, but please do click on the link. And I have given you two screenshots of really well thought out, not thought out-- Well research answers to the question you have. They would be able to give you a better answer to your question. 

So now moving on to question #6 and that was again by my friend Madeline. And her question was, “Can you talk about the differences culturally between observant Muslims and nonobservant Muslims? How are nonobservant Muslims seen by people who are observant? Do people feel that nonobservant people should take part in cultural events and in ceremonies like the coming-of-age circumcision?” Now, when she posted this question, it started a huge debate on circumcision. And I was a little confused because that was the first time, I'd ever heard of a coming-of-age circumcision ceremony. And apparently, it's something that is practiced in parts of Turkey and I would imagine other Muslim countries too. I just wasn't aware of it. But anyway, as to her question about those who are nonobservant Muslims and how they are perceived and culturally differences between observant and nonobservant Muslims, it's a tricky, I think, balance, Madeline.

I know a lot of Muslims that are nonobservant. And I think the easiest answer I can give to you for that is that there is an unwritten rule that if they're your friends, especially, you really don't sort of venture into that territory with them. It's sort of weird. It's like, you know that the person is an observant, but you're respectful of the fact and it's fine. When it comes to religious events, I know some nonobservant Muslims who do partake in Eid, and I know some that even though they may not do that, like, observe maybe the five daily prayers and things like that, but they do make it a point to fast in Ramadan, and they do celebrate Eid. And if I had to give you one answer to it, I think what I do personally is that I don't really venture into that. It is something that is, whether you're observant or nonobservant is a personal choice that people do make. And I don't really pass judgment on it. You respect certain boundaries of those things. And I've seen that most of my nonobservant friends, they're very respectful of my boundaries as well. If I went to them or I went to their house and I asked that if I could have a spot to pray, they're very, very respectful of that. They'll give me a quiet corner to pray. There's never really a conflict when it comes to that. So, I hope I answered your question, Madeline.

And then question #7 by my friend JS. Jessica S. [chuckles] “What would you want us to teach our non-Muslim children about Islam and Muslims?” And it's so sweet of her to really ask that question and even think in those terms. Again, this is not just for those. If what I would want to impart on my children, and what anybody should impart on their children is that just because that somebody has beliefs and ways of life that are different than our own, it is our primary duty to other people is to give them respect, irrespective of the fact, whether we agree with them or not. And I think that is not just for your kids, JS. I love your family. They're the weirdest, but they're the best. But I think respect is such a great part of what we can teach our children. And I struggle sometimes with my kids too. It's hard with kids because they only see things in black and white. And again, life is a lot of gray.

So if I and everybody can teach our kids that when you meet anybody from any cultural background, religious background, and yet you're able to meet them with respect within their own circle and your own circle. Again, you teach your children respect, but they should not have to endure disrespect from anybody else either. So give respect, get respect, that sort of thing. And if we can teach all our children that, I think this world would definitely, definitely be at a better place. So with that, I will end this week's episode and see you next week for Part Two, where I tackle all the other questions I got from all my wonderful friends. So until then, may peace be on you all and take care.

Thank you so much for tuning in to I'm A Muslim (And That's Okay!). And if you wish to follow my social media for more updates, you can follow me on Instagram, on Facebook, and on YouTube. All the links to those are in the show notes. And if you are on Apple, or on Spotify, or on Podchaser, please do give my podcast a five-star rating. It really does help get me in the public eye. And if you wish to donate to support the podcast, you can do so through the PayPal link in my show notes as well. Take care.