Special Episode: Ask A Muslim! (Part Two)

Shehla: Hi, everyone. May peace be on you all. My name is Shehla, and welcome to another episode of I'm A Muslim (And That's Okay!). And welcome to Part Two of my very special segment called Ask a Muslim. So, I'm so happy, you know I got such great response from last week's episode. Lots of people gave me great feedback and I even got one or two more questions. So, I'm just going to jump right into it. But before I do, I probably should give the disclaimer. I should have given in last week's episode as well. All of the answers to my questions are not based on extensive religious knowledge, they are part opinion and I guess it's not part opinion-- It's mostly opinion and partly based on whatever minuscule religious knowledge I have. So, I know that's pretty sad, but still.  So here we go with that disclaimer. I'm just going to jump right into it. 

Question #1. Now, this one was sent by my friend and she didn't want her name, so I'm just going to use her initials, my friend NG and she said that her husband, he works with a lot of Somali refugee patients, and she was wondering, “What are some of the things that are specific to Somali Muslims versus the entire religion?” For example, she had said, when it came to shaking hands, what her husband found out was that it's not generally practiced, especially when it comes to women. Also, she said that he found out that wiping in the bathroom was done by the left hand by Somali Muslims and all the food prep was done with the right hand. So, she was asking me, are those things that her husband observed, are they universal to Islam or just to Somali Muslims?

Now, fair warning, NG, I'm not very familiar with Somali culture, but what I can tell you is that, yes, when it comes to shaking hands, I know amongst men, I mean, most men will shake hands with Muslims or not Muslims if they're amongst men. And Muslim women will shake hands amongst other Muslim women and even non-Muslim women. But generally, the rule is that opposite genders don't really do physical contact, and handshakes is one of those things. And again, this is something that also comes in culturally. Some Muslim women do. They will shake hands with the opposite gender, but a lot of them won't. So, if you meet a Muslim woman or a Muslim man, a Muslim of the opposite gender, the thing is, if they extend their hand to you, then generally it's okay to shake their hand. 

But most of the time, Muslims will avoid physical contact with anyone of the opposite gender. And as for your second and third part of your question, yes, actually bathroom bit is pretty interesting. Yes, wiping, but we don't as culturally use toilet paper. We usually use water when we clean ourselves after going to the bathroom. And yes, if there is any wiping involved, it would be done by the left hand. And as for food prep, so here's the thing. When it comes to the right hand, it's generally preferred. And I've not heard this about food prep, but I know that culturally, especially in Pakistani culture, it's generally encouraged that when you're consuming food that it should be from the right hand because obviously when you're using the left hand after you use the bathroom, it's generally a bad idea to use the same hand for eating that sort of thing, even if you wash your hands, just as a cleanliness measure, I guess. So that's why when it comes to eating and everything, it's generally encouraged as religious practice, as a religious tradition to use the right hand.

For food prep, I mean, you can use both hands, it's fine. I have not heard about food prep in specific that it can't be with the left hand. But again, I guess it could be culturally in Somali culture to not do that. But I have not ever actually encountered that personally. And as for other things, I know that some people, especially in Muslim circles, can be a little particular about using only the right hand. And sometimes if their children are left-handed, they try to get them to be right-handed, but they don't have to do that. I have seen nowhere that it said that, “No, you have to do everything with the right hand.” It doesn't have to be that way. It's generally good practice, but it's not something that can be forced upon a person. If a person is left-handed, if that's their dominant hand, then that is what they can use. It's fine. But for eating, I know that a lot of people are particular about the right hand. So, I hope I've answered your questions.

And moving on to question #2, and this was by my friend Dicolia. And she asked one thing that she's noticed is that there are many differences in the Muslim community. “How do I deal with Muslims that have different views on dressing and child rearing, etc.?” Again, I think I addressed this in my previous episode. Here's the thing and I'll be honest with you, Dicolia, even within the same sect of Islam, you will have a lot of people practicing things very, very, very, very, very, very, very differently. So, the rule of the thumb is just because it's something that's practiced in your household, it's not necessarily going to be practiced in even another Muslim household of the same sect. That's just how it is. It's weird. I can't even explain it to you. I have friends and if you had to ask me, I would define myself from the Sunni sect of Islam, and I have Sunni Muslim’s friends, but even then, when I go to their houses, they have a lot of different practices that I'm not aware of and even semi beliefs that I'm not aware of. And that's the thing. 

There are certain things that you just don't point fingers at, I guess. So if somebody else, if they have different views on child rearing and you have different views, what I try to do is respect their boundaries with their kids, and most of the time, they will respect my boundaries with my children as well. There's not a lot of finger-pointing and stuff like that. “Oh, why are you doing it this way? And so on and so forth.” So, you just respect each other's boundaries and just be nice to one another. That's how it is. Usually, how it is. I have never really encountered any points that have been bones of contentions really. 

And question #3. Now, this was by my friend Sarah, and this was a hard question, Sarah. You really gave me the run around with this one. But again, I'm not never going to turn away a question just because it's a difficult one. So let me read it out for you guys. So she was asking me, “What are my views on LGBTQ people, particularly as being gay is strictly forbidden in Islam?  If any of your children were in a same sex relationship with another person, how would you deal with any criticism you receive from within your family or the Muslim community and friends?”

Okay, now, this is a tricky question, and you would be, I guess, correct in your assumption that being in a gay relationship is not allowed in Islam. And I did a bit of research in this, and again, gosh, there was so many views out there. And I went to Muslim articles and different forums and everything, so many different views, so many shouting matches. I just didn't want to get into that too. It's just messy. But here's the thing. And as in most Judeo-Christian religions and their religious traditions, there is the story of lot and his people and the condemnation of his people, and it's in Islamic tradition as well.

But when I was reading up and sort of researching all of this, from what I gathered, is that for any prohibition that is in Islam, you can say any prohibition. I mean, I guess, like the consumption of alcohol, having extramarital relationships, all of these things. It's not the desire for these things that is not what is forbidden. It is acting upon it, which is. And I know that in itself it's tricky, because when someone is gay or is of the LGBTQ community, it's not just about feeling a certain way. It's how do you live a fulfilling life that way, especially when you belong to a faith where a majority of people will look down upon you? And that is, I think, where the problem lies v especially in the Muslim community. We have not reached a place where we can see these things without prejudice, I would say.

And that is a shame, because I personally, honestly know people that I knew when I was younger, that then I later found out that they were gay. Let me be honest. Even when I did know them personally, it was very obvious that they were. But I can only imagine how hard it was for them to be, especially surrounded by people who would look down upon them if they came out as gay. And it's not an easy answer to this, but if I had to tell you that-- if my children that told me that they were gay, I would definitely approach them from a place of love. I do not believe in condemnation of any sort for anybody's mistakes or even, how would you say, even when they are lost? Because it is a very difficult thing. It is a very difficult situation to be in that what you feel inside will not be wholly accepted. And how do you live with that? How do you live that way? And I think what gave me a little bit of hope is that when I was doing research for your answer, Sarah, I did find a whole community of Muslim people that had same sex feelings, and they came together in that community to help each other out. To sort out how will they live their lives with how they feel and how they exist and yet still be within religious confines. And I know that might not be a complete answer for you, Sarah, but it definitely does give me hope. It gives me hope because for those who are of our generation, those who are younger than us, who are Muslim and who are gay, at least they won't be lost. They have a place where they can find some answers for themselves. And I hope I've answered your question. It was a hard one. But as I've said, “I would not shy away from them.”

And question #4 and #5. Now, both of these questions are by my friend Elizabeth, and she's asking, “Does Islam have a strong stance on abortion?” And to answer that question, Elizabeth, now here's the thing. I think in Christian circles it's more of a bone of contention. And I can't tell you why because I'm not Christian, but I know in Muslims, since we generally don't have, and I'm not saying it doesn't happen at all, it does. But generally, we don't have a lot of children that are born out of wedlock. So, the aspect of abortions generally doesn't come up. But here's what I know is that if there is the situation of-- there is rape and there is pregnancy, there is permission for abortion. If the mother's health is in jeopardy, most definitely there is permission for abortion. From what I understand of it, abortion before four months is allowed because according to Islamic tradition, the fetus does not have a soul at that time. So if an abortion is required before four months it is allowed and it is not considered that there is a person inside the woman's womb. That is my understanding of it. So that is the Islamic view for abortion.

When it comes to-- when we see in the US, this is one of those things that comes up so frequently. But in Islamic circles, I have not seen it come up that frequently that it would be like this major, major, I guess, shouting point. It usually isn't that way. Because yes, abortion is not thought good of if it's done carelessly, but it's not something that is like you can't have an abortion, especially when these criteria are met.

And her other question is, that would be my question #5. She said that when she was visiting Turkey, she experienced prayer times throughout the day. Then she asked, “Since in the US we do not give opportunity to pray in public, do employees take a moment for themselves at this time, skip that prayer altogether or make it up at the end of the day?” So, she was asking about the five daily prayers and how we do it in the US. 

Well, I mean, different people do it differently. I mean, if it was me and I was working outside of my home, I would just generally, whatever the time is and if I can have a five-minute block, I would just pray in my office. That's what I would do. And usually for most prayers that happen during work hours are the afternoon and early evening prayer. And you have a certain amount of time that you can pray those prayers without it overlapping with the time for your second prayer. So for that you have some time. So, if you're like in a meeting and it's prayer time, you don't have to pray at that time. You can do it after the meeting, so it's fine. But I do know some people who might skip it and might do it at the end of the day. But again, different schools of thoughts. Some would say it's okay, some would think that it's not okay that they shouldn't be skipping. But again, I'm not going to comment on that. 

Now, question #6 and this would be question #6 to #10, are all by my friend JS. And she's fantastic. She really sends me all these really intellectual questions and I hope I can answer them. But. So let me start. So, she asks, “So many perceptions that Islam is oppressive to women, how would you answer that and how would you compare it to other religions in America, like Mormonism, Christianity, and Judaism?” Ah. That's a difficult one JS. Only because I can't compare it to other religions because I really don't know that much about Christianity, Mormonism, or Judaism, I can't say. But I can only tell you from my experience as a Muslim and how women are, our rights are as women. And here's the thing. What you see as oppressive or shown as oppressive in the media is often a misinterpreted in the media. It's also misunderstood in the terms of a religious context because a lot of people consider seeing women wear the hijab or not showing their bodies as oppressive. But for us, it's more of having the right not to show our body. Because from the way I see it it's just that when you do show more, I've seen that there's a lot more pressure to look and be a certain way.

And I don't know, I've never been that way. I'm fine in my sweats and not having to worry about if I gain like 20 pounds during this quarantine. I know it's awful, but that's the thing. It can be very freeing not to have to have to look a certain way. So, I mean, I'm not saying that Muslim women look bad. A lot of them really like getting dressed up and they do get dressed up. It's just that we do have the freedom to not have to be able to-- not have to conform to a certain way to look. And as for the other things that sometimes appear to be oppressive are practices that are not religious necessarily. And I will tell you this, I mean, one of the things that gets shown a lot in the media is honor killings. And I will tell you straight up, it's not Islamic at all. This is very, very cultural and very cultural within Pakistani and Indian and even, I would dare to say Bangladeshi culture, it's not religious at all.

But sometimes the people who are reporting it in the media tend to confuse these things that just because it's happening in a Muslim family, that the implication is that it's Islamic. It's not, that's not how it is. None of that is a part of our faith. So that's the thing. Most people who are not Muslims cannot really make the distinction of, is it cultural or is it Islamic? And that's one of those problems that unfortunately, I have no solution for. But when it comes to the basic core principles, I have never ever felt that I was oppressed in any way. And those who use principles, whether they are Muslim or not Muslim, to show that we are oppressed are definitely not taking any of these things in the right religious context or even with the right amount of religious knowledge. They take a lot of things out of context and try to throw it at women just to subdue them or bring them down. It's that sort of thing. 

So going on to question #7 by JS. She said about 9/11, “How do you feel about what happened and the terrorists? How were you affected and how were your children, family, immediate community affected? Discuss radicals, terrorists, and maybe compare it to something comparable here, as in do you see them in your community and families? Do you feel it widespread? How do you teach your kids about these kinds of issues?” Oh, boy. JS, I could have a complete podcast on this. So here's the thing, I was not in the US when 9/11 happened. I almost was, but I had come in to the US for my eldest niece's birth and she was born in May. And my parents had given me the choice that I could stay and start college over here, but I decided to go back to Pakistan. But let me tell you, when I saw that on TV, and I still remember it, I was horrified, JS, I can't tell you. Whenever I think about it, I can't express the amount of grief that still flows through me. I wasn't even in the US. But you cannot imagine how horrified I was. All of us, my entire family, this is not something that we as Muslims consider okay.

And if there are Muslims out there who consider it okay, they are wrong. I will say that to you plain and simple. This is not what our faith is about. You cannot do this. I didn't go into the research of this, but I can tell you with a lot of surety that this kind of action has never historically been something that has been a part of our teachings or of our faith ever. The people who consider themselves Muslims and went and did this only solely for political gains, for power, for notoriety, that is it. There's no part of faith that was involved in it. There really wasn't. There is no part of our faith that involves the murder of innocent people of such a heinous crime. I can't even call it a crime. It was a monstrosity, JS. That's what it was. But it is not a part of our faith. It is not a part of our belief. It is not a part of what we believe in. It isn't. I don't care who says what. it isn't. If they say it is, they're wrong. Because we are people who greet each other with peace and people who greet each other with peace are not allowed by our core structure of belief to wreak suffering on other people. We are not allowed. That is how it is. 

And as for how I was affected, apart from the grief, personally, I wasn't here, but my brother and sister were. They were most fortunate that they did not receive any backlash. But when it comes to, “Do I see it in my community?” No, I have never encountered anyone personally who feels this way or who upholds these things. I have heard of people, no doubt about it. I won't lie about it. I've heard of people who are Muslims and who say all sorts of these things, but nobody that I know personally. But again, there are a lot of misguided people even in the Islamic faith because this is just not acceptable for us. And when it comes to our children, I do fear for my children because here's the thing. I try to teach them all the good that our faith brings, but I also have to teach them that there are people out there who call themselves Muslims that have done things that are not okay. And I have to tell them why those things are not okay. And it's painful. It is a painful admission, but it is an admission that we have to make as a community, as a faith that there are people out there in our faith that are misguided, who will use the name of Islam to do all of these awful, terrible things. But I will do my best to raise my children, to raise their voices for good and for justice.

Then moving on to question #8 by JS, “How well do you feel Islam and Muslims are represented in government, local, federal. Do you feel like you see yourself and other Muslim citizens when you look at your leaders?” Oh. Simple answer, JS, “No.” And here's the thing, again, I think I mentioned this in the previous podcast that I was very heartened by this year's election candidates because at least there were so many people of color and there was diversity in the candidates, even though the last candidate, presidential candidate, is most definitely white American. But just the fact that there is diversity and the fact we're seeing change, and even if there's not a lot of people from our community that are in higher positions, but I can see that it will happen at least in my kid’s lifetime, and we will be represented more in positions of leadership and in the government as well so. 

JS's question number nine, “How do you feel about Bill Maher, Alex Jones, Rush Limbaugh and other celebrity voices misrepresenting your religion, culture, and community? And are there specific movies, episodes of TV shows, TV programs, talk radio that you feel do a horrible job of representing or describing Muslims that you feel do a great job?” So, this is interesting, JS, because I watch very little TV, and I've heard Bill Maher and Rush Limbaugh being very critical of Muslims. Of course, with Rush Limbaugh, being who he is, I wouldn't expect anything less. But I have personally never seen any of their monologues or any of their shows to really tell what they say. Again, when you exist as a minority, you sort of see it as a default setting, unfortunately, that especially up until now, since we don't have a lot of representation in the media, so we don't expect to be viewed favorably anyway. So yeah, it feels not good when you hear that people are saying these sorts of things, but you sort of like grin and bear it and hoping that you see more Muslim characters, not even just Muslim characters or like people of color having more prominent roles.

And let me just tell you, when I saw Rami Malek, he played Freddie Mercury in the movie about Queen. Gosh, I'm so awful I forget names. That was not even the first time I'd seen him. His first role that I had seen was in Mr. Robot. And I was like, “Oh, my God, he doesn't seem like, I mean, he seems Middle Eastern.” I don't know what it was about him. And I was like, “I wonder if he's Muslim.” And I have not researched if he's Muslim or not, but he's definitely from the Middle East. And when I read his name, I mean, Malik is a very Muslim last name and you get so excited about it. “Oh, my God. He's got this really nice lead role in this really nice drama series, and it really gets you excited.” [laughs] So these are the sort of things that, as you go on ahead, and I think I've mentioned this before, I was watching this TV show on Netflix called Hilda, and it has a Muslim character in it. I mean, it's not like a prominent character, but one of my sons pointed out, “Oh, she's wearing the hijab.” And you see that and it makes you excited because that was not a thing that we saw when we were growing up. It was never there in TV shows. 

But you see more and more of it, and you have people like Rush Limbaugh and maybe even Bill Maher, saying these things. But what you see is that they are of a generation that is soon not going to be as prominent in the media anymore, and they'll be replaced by people who are younger, people who are more diverse, representing not just Muslims, but other minorities. And we'll be able to see ourselves in the media. And you'll have to excuse my cats, unfortunately, they want to interrupt my podcast. [chuckles]

So moving on to question #10, final question by JS. She asked, “I see a ton of examples and blessings in my personal life and in the media of Muslims being generous in giving, whether that's helping after tragedies, donating money, donating time and resources. Is there a religious teaching or cultural expectation with giving like in Christianity, some denominations pushing tithing more than others? How did it shape you growing up and learning about society and poverty and class and social responsibility? If it is something that was taught in your religion, home, community, do you see it actively here? How do you feel about megachurches and TV pastors?” I think that was like 10 questions in one JS. [chuckles]

I'm so happy that you noticed these things. But yes, when it comes to donating and social causes, it is a big, big part of our faith, especially when it comes to giving support in communities, it is an integral part of our faith. One of our five pillars of our faith is the giving of charity. And in the US especially, I'm so happy to see that Muslims are a lot more active within their communities and doing a lot of social work, even for not just within the Muslim community itself, but in the community at large. And it's one of those things that I didn't see people doing actively when I was growing up in Pakistan. I mean, I'm not saying that there weren't a lot of good charitable organizations. There were a lot of them in Pakistan. It's just that the Muslim community wasn't as active. But my mom personally did a lot of social work, and I learned a lot of my-- I mean, I got a lot of my drive towards social work from her because she was very driven by helping those who were poor and needy, who were downtrodden. She did that for a greater part of when I was growing up.

She did a lot of fundraisers and raising awareness about drugs and all of these things. She did a lot of those things. So, I learned a lot from her. And I'm hoping that when my kids get a little bigger, I would be able to pass that on to them. Do a lot more than what I'm doing right now. More social work, more charitable donations. And my younger one especially, is really sweet about these things. I mean, we try to put in these little things, like we have this charity jar at home, and whatever change we get from whatever cash purchases we do, we put it in that jar. And he's so into it. I'm so proud of him that whatever change that he gets, he started putting it in there too, and he's so particular about it. But it is definitely a huge part of our faith to actively help other people out, especially people in need definitely. 

And let's see your other part of your question was, “How do I feel about megachurches and TV pastors?” Again, I'm in no position to comment about it because I'm not directly affected by it or I've never been to a megachurch before. But let me tell you this, from what I've heard of them and I've maybe experienced a few of the TV pastors in my late-night TV viewings and maybe on the radio as well. Here's the thing. This whole phenomenon of how they are and how they operate, taking in donations, call the 1800 number and donate now, that sort of thing, it's not just restricted to Christianity. I hate to say it, but I've seen a lot of Islamic religious leaders, especially in Pakistan, who do sort of the same thing. And I don't like it either way because it's pretty iffy and questionable to me when they're sort of doing it that way. I don't necessarily find it bad to raise donations for the running of a particular church or a masjid or a mosque anything of that sort, because, yes, it is an institution that needs to be maintained and all of these things and all of its people do have to be paid. But how much and how far do you push. Gathering all those charitable donations is what can sort of become problematic. 

So, I think when it comes to these things, a lot of people have a difficulty finding that middle path for, how much is enough? Do you really need a private jet or a new car? That sort of thing? [laughs] Let me tell you, that sort of thing is universal sadly. So those are all my questions for this week's special episode segment, and I'm so glad that all of you sent in your questions. And if anybody has any more, send them all to me. Maybe I'll do another special segment of “Ask a Muslim.” But until then and until next week when I'll come with another episode of my podcast, may peace be on you all and take care.

Thank you so much for tuning into I'm A Muslim! (And That's Okay). And if you wish to follow my social media for more updates, you can follow me on Instagram, on Facebook, and on YouTube. All the links to those are in the show notes and if you are on Apple, or on Spotify, or on Podchaser, please do give my podcast a five-star rating. It really does help get me in the public eye. And if you wish to donate to support the podcast, you can do so through the PayPal link in my show notes as well. Take care.