The Whole Muslim with Khalidah Bilal: Compassion for All

Shehla: I'm a Muslim (And That's Okay!) presents The-Whole Muslim, because Muslims aren't a monolith, and every story is one in a billion. 

Hi, everyone. May peace be on you all and welcome to another episode of I'm a Muslim (And That's Okay!). And as always, it's your host, Shehla. And I am back with another, The-Whole Muslim, but with a returning guest, sister Khalidah Bilal. She is one of my very first interviews that I did in the beginning of my podcast journey. And now, two years later, she is back, and I couldn't be happier. I love sister Khalidah to bits. And she's back with all the wonderful, inspiring things that she does. 

And for those who haven't seen her original interview, she had done the very first interview with me on domestic violence because she worked with victims of domestic violence, and now she's back with another. That's the thing I love about you, Khalidah, that you do so much for the people. So, you are back with another venture of yours. But before I get into that, so, please tell us, give a reintroduction of yourself. What do you do apart from being awesome, Khalidah what do you do?

[laughter]  

Khalidah: All right. Well, I guess I wear a lot of different hats. I have the crisis chaplain hat. I'm part of an organization called the Chaplain Task Force in crisis. And whenever you have, say, for example, there was a tornado that came through, then the Chaplain Task Force, they would go to counsel the victims of the tornado. So that's one of the things that I do, obviously that's part time. And then I do life coaching transitions. So, people who are transitioning, and having difficulty transitioning from one episode of their life to another episode, then I do transition counseling. And that's kind of sometimes how the domestic violence comes into it, because obviously, sometimes, people are transitioning out of domestic violence, or sometimes it might just be work that they're transitioning from, and that also could be transitioning to the next life. So, I do end-of-life counseling. 

Shehla: That's what I was reading in your bio. I recently found this out that, when I was, like, having my little babies and there were babies, you often had doulas that, they help you give birth and bring people into this world and everything that is part of the aftercare but recently I've come across the term, and I don't know if you use the term, but the term death doula. 

Khalidah: Yes. 

Shehla: And I don't know how I felt about that because, again, we have such negative thought processes about end of life. So, I was like, "Oh, my God, that is incredible." But, if you could sort of venture into that a little bit, because it's still a pretty new thing for me to like process. 

Khalidah: Yeah. So, I use the term end-of-life doula as opposed to death doula, just because everybody goes, "Death, ooh-ooh." [laughter] But, if you think about it, first of all, the only thing, the only guarantee that we have in life is that we're going to die. Right? That is our 100% guarantee I'm going to die. And so, that's the one area of our life that we generally don't plan for. We don't have any plans. We’re just living our life. We're living like everything is going to work out fine, and we're going to be here tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day, okay. So, my role comes in where somebody, like, for example, I had a friend who was diagnosed with kidney failure, so her kidneys crashed on her, and then she was getting kidney dialysis. And then what happened is they wanted to know, "Well, why did your kidney fail? You don't smoke, you don't drink, you don't do all of these things, why did your kidney fail?" And by doing those investigations, it turned out that she actually had multiple myeloma, which is a cancer. So, then she's getting dialysis on this occasion and then chemotherapy on that occasion. So, she's going from one hospital to the next hospital and one treatment to the next treatment. And there came a point in her life where she was like, "Okay, I am just existing to go from one hospital appointment to another hospital appointment. This is life prolonging treatment that I'm taking to prolong my life so that I can sit in a hospital." And she didn't want to do that anymore. 

So, she decided that, I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop all of this. And then when you stop dialysis, it normally takes about two weeks before your body goes into total failure. So, in that process, she spoke to me, and she's like, "You know, this is it, I'm going to stop, and we talked about it." And I'm like, "Okay, well, you're my friend. I obviously want you here forever, but if this is what you want to do, then it's my job to support you through it. It's not my job to tell you no, try, keep trying," because she's living it. So, then I took on the role of supporting her through her end-of-life phase. Okay, what do you want to do with all your stuff? where's it all going to go? 

She didn't know how to get her funeral together because she didn't have funds, so she couldn't just say, "Oh, I'm going to buy a plot of land and whatever." So, I was able to arrange for her funeral to be covered by the mosque. I was able to arrange for people to go into the hospice with her and sit with her. So, they were able to recite Quran and recite dua for her. And, even with the hospice, they wanted to be like, "Oh, no, we don't want you here, blah, blah." But I was able to advocate and say, "Well, no, this is what we do. We're not overstimulating her. We just want to be there and give her rights as a Muslim." And so, we would rotate so that there was always somebody there. 

When she did eventually pass, they called me. I was able to get the funeral home to come pick up her body and take her. And she was a convert to Islam. So, her children were not really too interested. So, basically, she was on her own. Okay, so then, I was able to arrange for the Janāzah, arrange for people to attend the Janāzah. And then, she's going to need people to lift her down into the grave, but she hasn't got any men attending her Janāzah, well, how's that going to work?

So just basically bringing all of that together. And then after that, going to her home and cleaning out her apartment. She wanted some things mailed off to people, so just, make sure that's all done, close down all her accounts and, just make sure that she had a peaceful end of life. 

Shehla: Right, right. I don't know how you do it, Khalidah, and that's just one small part of what you do and that's why I have you here because that ain't all you do. And you ain't just a crisis chaplain. You're not just doing end-of-life care, which in itself, I need to do separate episodes, like you did the whole Khalidah series. I would do it, you know, I would. [laughter] No, but that's the thing. This is only a small part of what you do through the kindness collective, and that's why I have you here. So, when you're bringing all of these things together, how did that happen? And why did that happen? Like, where did this sort of thing originate? 

Khalidah: So, kindness collective is just a part of Kindred Barakah. My organization is Kindred Barakah. And Kindred Barakah, the concept is compassionate care through challenging times. And so, the life counseling, the transition counseling comes into that. The end-of-life care comes into that. But then you just have people who just go through something. And that's something that they go through. It might not be something that is, like, for example, a friend of mine, she does a lot of work in the community. She helps out all the time. And then she went through a bit of a crisis herself. She runs her own business. And, I don't want to give too many identifying factors, but she was in this position where she came across a problem that needed to be solved, and it would take a month to solve it. In the meantime, she has a mortgage to pay. She's got bills to pay, etc., etc. And she had exhausted all of her savings trying to resolve her current issue. So, then she said to me, "Okay, this is my problem." Then what I will do is I will-- 

I have a group called "Kindness Collective," and these are people who want to give charity. They want to make sure that the people that they're giving charity to are deserving of the charity. So what I do is I will put in a post, "Sister needing help to pay bills, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is why she needs the help." And then I will verify, is that person eligible for Zakat, or is that person just wants a Sadaqah? So, if the person's not eligible for Zakat, I'll just say Sadaqah, because sometimes you might not be so poor that you are eligible for Zakat, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a problem that you come into, right? 

And so, we were able to collect $5,000 for her. We gave her the $5,000. It got her through that month. She was able to get back on track. And Alhamdulillah, she's still going. Like, without that help, her business might have crashed. And then she would have been in need for months or years. Because of that one small blip where she needed help. So, what I do is basically help people who need that help through that little transition.

Shehla: Right, right. But again, it's not just one thing. Like, that's the thing. Through Kindred Barakah, you are taking different aspects of people's transitional needs and fulfilling them. Like, how did that concept sort of originate for you? I know you're awesome Khalidah, but, there is a origin story to everything. 

Khalidah: I guess the truth of the matter is that, I spent a long time asking, Allah. "Allah, use me the way that you want to use me to do the things that you want me to do." And I was convinced that I wanted to do this and I wanted to do that. And I'm trying to push myself in this direction. But every time I push myself in that direction-- I went through a phase where in about a six- or eight-month period, I had supported three or four people through their end of life. 

And then for some strange reason, I became the go-to person for everybody to ask for help, you know what I mean? And I'm just like, "I am not a superhero. Like, why is everybody coming to me all the time and asking me for help." And I had a friend, she's passed away now, but my friend’s sister Sakina, she was like, "Look, send out a message. Just ask. They're asking you, so just do it." And she kind of encouraged me to start doing these posts. And then I just figured, well, rather than spamming everybody's WhatsApp groups, because that's what I was doing for a long time, [laughter] I was spamming everybody's WhatsApp group. And then people get mad at you, right? [laughter] Like, "Why are you doing this? Like this is a sister's retreat group, and you are posting for donations." And so, I was getting in a bit of trouble. And so, I was like, "Okay, let me just form my own group." And then I just spammed those chats one last time, just to say, "Okay people, I'm not going to spam anymore. [laughter] I'm going to form my own group. And this is the link. If you want to join, then join the Kindness Collective." And then that way, if I have a campaign, I can just post it in one place and hope that people will share it with their friends and families, because that's also the important thing because I can't do what I do unless everybody's supporting me because I'm a nonprofit. And as a nonprofit that means that I exist because you helped me to exist. 

Shehla: Right, right. And how long have you been doing this? Like, how long have you been operating the Kindred Barakah, which has the Kindness Collective and your chaplaincy services and your end-of-life care?

Khalidah: So, I mean, technically, I've been doing it for a long time. So, I was doing it unofficially for a while, and then I started Kindred Barakah about a year ago, and I was just operating just under the name, and I didn't do anything officially. And then I registered as a nonprofit in March of this year. 

Shehla: Oh, wow. 

Khalidah: Yeah. Because the other thing is that if you're asking people to give you money, a lot of people, they want to donate to you, but they want to get the write off at the end of the year. And so, it's important to be a nonprofit so that I can give them their tax write off at the end of the year. So, I registered as a company in March of this year. With the state of Texas, I'm a nonprofit. And then my 501(c)(3) is in process right now. So that should come through in like maybe the next month or two. So, at the end of this year, everybody that's given me donations for this tax year, they will be able to get their tax receipts at the end of the year. 

Because now I can be an organization that if you have Zakat funds, I can hold your Zakat funds, because now what I've done. Before, I was just like, "You Zelle me the money to my personal account, then I Zelle it off to somebody else. And then, it was like, there's a lot of money going through my account.

Shehla: And you're one person, that’s the thing [crosstalk]

Khalidah: Yeah, no, I need to do this. This needs to have a little bit of structure to it right. Kindred Barakah has two bank accounts. One bank account where Sadaqah money comes through and the other bank account that I use for Zakat money. And so, I can hold on to Zakat money until I have somebody who's eligible for Zakat and then I send the money to them. 

Shehla: Right. That's where my second question comes in. Is this to help everybody or is this Muslim specific?

Khalidah: It's everybody, right. Obviously, I'm a Muslim, so most of the people that come to me are Muslims, but I will also help people who are not Muslim. But I'm not going to say, "Oh, everybody, I have this non-Muslim woman, that's not what I'm going to do." 

Shehla: No, no, no. The only reason I ask is because for those who are listening, who don't sometimes understand the difference between Sadaqah and Zakat, the thing with Zakat is that it can be only be given to eligible Muslims while Sadaqah is for literally anybody. Anybody can come to you with whatever they need and you'll be able to help them through the Sadaqah money. 

Khalidah: Right. And so that's why I have the two different accounts. And so, whenever I'm collecting for somebody who's not eligible for Zakat, I will say Sadaqah only. And so that Sadaqah only, that person might be a Muslim who is not eligible for Zakat or it might be a non-Muslim.

Shehla: Again, the destination is nobody's business at this point. Ain't nobody's business.

Khalidah: Exactly. Because a person in need is a person in need.

Shehla: Is a person in need for sure. 

Khalidah: And also, Islam doesn't teach us to make that distinction. Islam doesn't say, "Oh, we only help Muslims. We don't help--" so we help everyone. And the Sadaqah and the Zakat is just a good way of being able to help everyone and also staying true to what Zakat is for. 

Shehla: Right, right. But here's the thing, how do people find out about you, Khalidah? I mean, that's the thing. I've known you for years now, okay? And you know you can get in touch with me and I'd be like, "Yes, let's do it Khalidah." But, like, where can people find you A, to help you through whatever ways that they can and to just get in touch with you? Find out more about what services that Kindred Barakah provides, whether they can help you or they need the help.

Khalidah: So, my website is kindredbarakah.com. Once you go to kindredbarakah.com. I have a link within the website, so you can use the link to join the Kindness Collective. When you go to the website also, you will see links to other things, other ventures that I'm doing. Like, for example, because I do different things as fundraisers in order to raise money for the organization because there are operational costs, right?

Shehla: Oh sure.

Khalidah: Applying for a 501 (c) costs money. Even when people send me money, there's a lot of times there's a cost that's involved in sending me money. So, I do a lot of fundraising events like spas and retreats and stuff like that. So, all those links are in Kindred Barakah. And also I feel kind of a bit unprepared, but I have my end-of-life book. I do want to show you, which would mean I have to come off camera for just a second to show that. 

Shehla: Oh, sure. Go ahead. Go ahead. [crosstalk] 

Khalidah: So, this is my book. It's called end of life, Journey's End, you use it to document your life preferences. So, I'll give you an example. So, this is section one. And section one would be where you would talk about who do you want to look after you when you pass, all right? First of all, you have the directions on how to complete it and then you have the things that you need to know and your choices that you would make, right?

Shehla: Right. 

Khalidah: So, it goes through your healthcare agent, how you want to be treated when you're sick, when do you want to be kept on a life support machine, what kind of life support you want? And then at the end, you've also got, like, a place where you put all your passwords so that when you pass away, people know how to get into your passwords. There's a place for your finances. So, people can know what kind of financial obligations they need to take care of. This is the page for, like, if you have your witnesses, so you get it signed by your witnesses. And there's also a spot where you can get it notarized as well if you want. So, you can get this online. You can order it online. So, when you go to my website, there's also a link that will take you to the website to purchase this book. So that's another, all the proceeds from the book also feeds my organization as well. 

Shehla: I think that's so cool. That's one of those things that we never think about. But the fact is that it should be in a place where people can access it, because, as you said, those are the one-- death is a surety. But these things we should be prepared for to, like, it should be there whether you're young or you're old, you never know when something like this could happen. I think that's so awesome. 

Khalidah: Because death is the surety, but when is not the surety. And, like, my friend, she was fortunate that she had that blip. She had the renal failure and then she had the cancer, even though it was sad that she had these illnesses, she had the time to prepare. But a lot of us, you could go out there and be in a car accident, anything can happen. Sister Sakina, she was ill for a long time and didn't even know it. Okay. So then when she did finally find out, it was quick and she was gone. It was this mad rush to get everything in place. And so, my whole thing is, as Muslims, we should plan for death. Because we know that's something. And we shouldn't be afraid of death because that's like your graduation to go to college. If you don't graduate high school, you never get to college. 

Shehla: Right, right. 

Khalidah: Yeah. And if you don't. [crosstalk] 

Shehla: That's a scary prospect. And we don't like thinking about it. 

Khalidah: Yeah, exactly. And the other thing is on the website also is if you don't want to purchase it because you can't afford to, then there is a free download, which is an abbreviated version of that. On the website, kindredbarakah.com, you can download the free version of it. Because I don't want people to not have this document just because I couldn't afford the $22 that it costs to purchase it. So basically, anything that you want to know about what I'm doing, all the things that happen, I kind of tied it all into Kindred Barakah. So, if you just type in kindredbarakah.com, that will take you to my website, and then you can keep in touch with all the things that I do. 

Shehla: And I think that's so awesome. But, and then that's the thing. What do you see? How do you see Kindred Barakah growing in the future? Because I know you, this can't be it.

[laughter] 

Khalidah: So. Okay, so first of all, in terms of Kindred Barakah, what I would like to see happen is I would like to have sustaining members. It would be fantastic if Kindred Barakah became the Muslim Salvation army, do you know what I mean? Where we had so many sustaining members that-- Or like catholic charities, I would like to be on that kind of level where people just come in, fill out their application form and I don't have to necessarily be sending out campaigns. 

Shehla: Right. 

Khalidah: The Kindness Collective would just morph into my sustaining members. So that would be fantastic because then, the stream of people that would be touched by Kindred Barakah would be on a larger scale. I would like for my end-of-life book for everybody to have one.

Shehla: A standard, for sure. Yeah. 

Khalidah: That's just like, you become an adult, you fill this out, you know what I mean? And come back and get a new one when you need to update it because lives change. 

Shehla: Right, right. 

Khalidah: Because this shouldn't be a document that you fill it out once and then that's it, it's done. It should be something that anytime life's changes happen, either you filled it out with a pencil so you can erase it or you get a new book and you update your new book. And then I would like to see it reach other states. I'd like there to be Kindred Barakah in every state. I'd like Kindred Barakah to be in different countries, because I think the things that I'm doing are not something that is stuck to this state, right?

Shehla: Right.

Khalidah: And the reality is even now, like last week, I helped a sister who is in Michigan, so we are already helping people that are outside of Texas. But it would be nice to have Kindred Barakah in every state. I would like that. 

Shehla: Inshallah, that's what I hope for. For what you do, because you do amazing work, always have, and you're still doing it. And everybody can see the links to Kindred Barakah on the screen and it'll be in the show notes. So, they have easier access to all the services that you provide. And if they want to be regular donors, they can become regular donors to help everybody with those difficult life transitions. And you only mentioned a few, but yet that's the thing, sometimes you need that extra help somewhere in the middle or even at the end of life. That's what you do. And I think that's so amazing. 

Khalidah: I mean, like I said, if you go onto my webpage, I have a group. Like someone said to me one time, "We need a group for divorced women. Like divorced women need support." And, so we have a support group for divorced women. Teenagers who are making that transition from teenager to adulthood. I have a coaching program for teenagers as well. So, yeah, the gamut, because transitions look different for everyone. Some of the services are paid services, but again, those paid services are for those people who can afford it to pay into the system that then help support people who cannot afford it. 

Shehla: Right, right. And again, mad props to you sister Khalidah that you're able to bring all of this together. I know a lot of the work you do is as one person. I am so grateful that you do all of this. That's why I had you on before and I'm having you on now. I have great admiration for what you do. 

Khalidah: Well, you know what? I love what you do too. I also think that as women, the things that we do, we kind of end up working a lot of times in pods. So, we don't know what each other's doing. And that leads to my new initiative.

[laughter]

Shehla: Like I told you'll is that not one thing with Khalidah. 

Khalidah: So, I'm meeting too many women who are doing fantastic things, and nobody knows about it. And so what I have created is a business networking group. 

Shehla: Oh, wow. 

Khalidah: And it's called She Works Society and basically, we're just there to network. All right. You join the networking group. We meet every two weeks, all right. There's only one of you in the group, and so we support each other. So, for example, you do podcasts, so you'll be the only podcaster in the group. And everybody is out there, you've got 20, 30, 50 people that's in the group. And they're speaking to someone and somebody says, "Oh, I need some way of getting my message out there." "Oh, well, I know Sister Shehla and that's what she does." So, then I give your information to that person. And I spread the word about you. And so, you basically have your own marketing team without actually having to do anything to other than come to the meetings and support each other. And it's all about referrals, understanding that your success is my success and my success is your success. And so, we work together as a society to help each other as sisters.

Shehla: See, there's another thing. 

Khalidah: Yeah. 

Shehla: And where do we find that, Khalidah? Come on. 

Khalidah: Again, if you go to Kindred Barakah, the link will be on Kindred Barakah. We are actually having our first soiree on the 10th of June. 

Shehla: Oh, wow. 

Khalidah: So that is going to be the launch. And so, at the moment, I'm looking for. And again, I'm only taking one person from each industry. So, we can't have two real estate people. It can only be one. So basically, what I'm doing is I'm just canvassing people and people are telling people about it, and there's a form to fill out for the invite, and then I'll send out details. And we're going to have our first meeting on the 10th of June and that will be in Euless. 

Shehla: Yay. Again, you're amazing with what you do, Khalidah, and I'm so grateful that you came on, again, told us about all of this, okay. I think that's the thing. We are, like, "We want to help. What do we do?" But what you offer is not just one thing. If people are interested in supporting your coaching services, your counseling services, your chaplaincy, the Kindness Collective or even your end-of-life services, I think, again, they have a choice, like, what is it that they want to help support, to help sustain, I think that's so amazing. I'm so grateful that you came on and told us about everything within the Kindred Barakah. I don't even know it's a collective. I don't even have a word for it. There's so many things that you do. But thank you so much for coming on and telling us all about it. And thank you to everybody who's watched us on YouTube and listened in on your favorite platforms. Y'all take care of yourself, and may peace be on you all. 

Khalidah: Thank you for having me. 

Shehla: Thank you so much for tuning in to I'm a Muslim (And That's Okay!). And if you wish to follow my social media for more updates, you can follow me on Instagram, on Facebook, and on YouTube. All the links to those are in the show notes. And if you are on Apple or on Spotify, or on Podchaser, please do give my podcast a five-star rating. It really does help get me in the public eye. And if you wish to donate to support the podcast, you can do so through the PayPal link in my show notes as well. Take care.